This has been a story living inside me for over six months. Though a week may not seem long, (a total of 8 days actually), it was quite eventful. When you are living in, or I suppose out of your car, you are in a state of survival mode. You’re balancing on the thin line of being a regular person and a homeless one. It is the most present I probably have been in my entire life, quite literally living from moment to moment, with no plan or end in sight. Though an end did come and I’ll explain how later.
At this point, it had been almost a year since I quit my full time job. I did so as an effort to pursue my real true dreams and find my honest and highest self. This is not an easy path and though I believe I may have made things harder on myself, I know I did my best, and trust all paths lead to the same destination. With that being said, my path led me to $237 to my name, two weeks before I turned 32 years old. If this was rock bottom, I was going out swinging.
The first two days of October were spent throwing things away and packing my studio apt up. On October 3, my landlord texted me and I informed him of the news and my decision to leave immediately. Somehow, I dragged my desk, chair, and queen size mattress to the curb, after packing everything up. I wish I stopped to take a photo of this. What I do have is a photo of the desk and chair newly in my apt. I was most delighted that day, as I finally had the finances to afford the life I wanted to create. Which was simply a girl who had a pretty desk and chair to work at. I don’t quite believe in missing tangible things. However, this chair offered me a lot of support through the constant creation and evolution of myself within my craft.
What I did take a moment to do was dance, celebrate, and take in all the memories and healing this space provided me with, as it was now empty, just as it was the day I moved in. I was quite literally at the end of the beginning. Though, I was afraid and uncertain, I knew in my heart it was time to move on. There was a small pang in my chest about how I may miss birthday cards delivered to that address, but I was too prideful to let anyone know not to send it there. I still had hope for a miracle somewhere inside me, so I set out to find one.
I don’t remember much about the first day, other than it was a lot of driving around, paranoia of wasting gas money, and randomly seeing a lot of peacocks. As a spirit animal, peacocks are a big, show off energy. I took this as a positive sign. I remember I went to Walgreens and bought a travel size toothbrush and passed on a car phone charger. They’re expensive! I realized I could hook it up to my laptop if needed. And besides, I was going to explore coffee shops and type my heart and soul away. Half expecting and anticipating that miracle to form into the news of something beneficial for my career. I believed I was co-creating with the Divine. To be honest, the days and nights blur but I will continue to share my journey, in a concise form, with sprinkles of specific details.
The first night I slept in my car, I parked at a church. Suddenly, I felt suffocated with the amount of things that were in my car. So much so that I had to sleep in the front seat, when I desired to be in the back. I even got out of my car as an attempt to declutter more than I already had the past three days, until I breathed back into myself and realized how exhausted I was. I fell asleep but woke up screaming in pain. Something about my body laying in that position, released the tension I had been carrying in my body, for who knows how long. This has happened to me once before, maybe twice, so I wasn’t scared but definitely experiencing pain, and only woke up again when two birds chirped from the tree next to me. I believe they were warning me, as a car entered the parking lot and braked, most likely noticing my vehicle. Before I even knew what I was doing, I put it that thing in drive and took off.
I ended up in a Walmart parking lot and watched a beautiful sunrise on a busy street. The world was already moving so fast before the sun was even awake. And then I noticed I was magically parked right next to a donation container. I drove to the McDonalds next door, got a coffee (those things are lethal) and got to work.
Even after all that, I drove to a nearby library, and found myself donating and decluttering some more, at yet another, donation container. While there, one of the employee’s driving a truck appeared. He was there to pick up and empty out the container. We had a very interesting and healing conversation. I admitted I had been wondering if anyone even emptied out these things and when. He explained that most of these items go to less fortunate families in foreign countries, one specifically was Puerto Rico. We talked about the hurricane that hit them there, years ago and how they were still recovering. He was Puerto Rican himself, growing up in New York. He was very nice, impressed, and appreciative of all my donations, including a bunch of hangers. He asked if I was moving. I half lied and told him yes.
For about three days in a row, I also worked in two different Foxtail Coffee locations. The first time, again I was amazed with how much I was decluttering. As a writer, I had/have a bunch of ideas written in journals and scraps of paper in folders. I sorted through a lot of them by throwing many in the trash. When you are down to nothing you are really able to see what actually adds value to your life. And when you are hanging on to what no longer serves, you are unable to accept the new blessings that are on their way to you. Even if they are just more ideas. But for me, yeah, I was hoping for money. But suddenly, in the middle of clearing things out, the sudden realization came to my mind. “I have hotel points.” I said to myself.
So yeah, maybe I didn’t live out of my car for 8 days, as I stayed in a hotel for one night. This is another story that I’ll explore in another blog, part two of this adventure.
Thank you soul much for taking the time to read my story. I hope you found some compelling insights from my mind to yours. I am currently at a coffee shop writing this, and would appreciate if you could buy me a coffee so I can continue to live this life as an explorative writer. It’s the purple button with a cup of coffee on it!
I am also grateful for donations towards a few items I desire for the future:
- Car maintenance check/oil change – at least $75
- Haircut -$55
- Eyebrows threaded -$15
- Gas money – $40
- Groceries (flowers, dark chocolate, and fruit) – $20
- Baby shower gift – $30-$50
See you in the next post! Sign up for my email list to receive notifications!